Seeking Faded Memories

On Friday at lunch my best friend and I were sitting in the cafeteria reminiscing about Homecoming weekends in the years past. We talked about how two years ago, our sophomore year, she came to visit me at school on homecoming since she took the year off. We laughed at all the memories about how “young and stupid” we were. Then we both realized that we do not have full memories of our first couple years at college. Our memories are fading. Fading away in the bliss of the night.

Its weird because I can remember most things, but some memories I see in grey. They are not fully there nor are they completely gone; they’re fading. There are so many crazy, fun, wild, embarrassing, happy, sad, pleasant memories that I have from my college career that I do not want to loose. But for some reason my brain is pushing these memories away. Why? Am I fooling myself thinking I have all these great memories? When in reality, the times I have had here have not been as great as my brain makes them out to be. Are my memories faded because my brain is so powerful it pushes out the bad and only allows me to remember the good. Is that why I do not have many memories or the past couple years? 

Now I am sitting at the library on a Tuesday trying to study, yet I cant because I keep trying to remember my first three years of college. Trying to remember these faded memories. These memories that I thought were happy ones, but the more I think about it, the more I start to believe that my brain fooled me into thinking my time here has been a great one. I am not saying that its horrible here. I do love it, but at the same time I can’t help but feel different. I feel as though I don’t belong. I feel that my time in this college town is winding down. I need to venture off to some place new. To a place where I can be 100% me and people love me for who I am, a place where I am truly 100% happy, a place that I can call home. Unfortunately, that is not here. Pretty soon this place will be a faded memory and I will hopefully be off doing some great things for the world. 

I love RF it has a special place in my heart. It just isn’t the place I should stay if I want to be happy. I just need to accept that. Or maybe I’ll find happiness here; it could be hiding from me. The future is ambiguous. 

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 Seeking faded memories. 

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Seeking an Understanding.

I am having a hard time right now with friends being jerks and not listening to me when I tell a story about my experience studying abroad. Not that they have to listen all the time, but when I start to tell a story they either roll their eyes, talk behind my back how annoying I am, make it obvious that they are not listening (RUDE), or post on Facebook making fun of me. STOP BEING RUDE.

I am not sorry for talking about my experience studying abroad. I worked my ass off in order to study abroad, and all of you should be proud of me especially knowing where I came from. You have no idea how much blood, sweat, and tears went into working to be able to afford to go. For once in my life, I did something for myself and I am damn glad I did.

Clearly, I had the time of my life while studying abroad since I always talk about it, again, not sorry. While I was there, I was happy. For the first time in a really long time I had motivation. Motivation to actually do homework. Motivation to explore new things. Motivation to get out of my comfort zone. Which is so hard to do here in RF.

Dalkeith, Scotland and RF have a lot in common like, they are both small towns, big on agriculture, has one main street where all the bars/pubs are at, and genuinely, the people of that town are nice. So why is Dalkeith so much better than RF? And no it is not the fact I stayed in a palace, although it was pretty glorious.

Studying abroad is one of the most amazing experiences you will  ever have! You will learn more about yourself than you ever imagined possible. You will laugh, cry, sing, dance, play, and get tested in ways you never could have, had you not left the borders of the United States. How you feel when you study abroad will depend on who you are, where you go, the people you meet, and the mind set you have. Every study abroad experience is different, and getting used to its constant ups and downs is all part of the fun. The whole point of studying abroad is that it’s an unpredictable experience that will take you out of your comfort zone.

For those of you who have not studied abroad, you will never understand what it is like. How amazing it is. The feeling inside of you while there. Studying abroad has made me more confident in myself, made me feel way more blessed than I have ever felt, and most importantly I grew up a little bit while there. Which is something that needed to happen. I spent 51 days in another country and in those short 51 days, I changed. If you do not like who I have become or the fact I talk about my experience all the time, then don’t be my friend. Because studying abroad was the best thing I have even done and it will always be apart of me. I will always carry something for my experience with me everywhere I go.

For those of you who still have time left in your college career, STUDY ABROAD. You will not regret it.

She who seeks, seeks understanding.

About the Seeker.

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Author’s Seat Edinburgh, Scotland. June 2013

Hey everyone!

My first blog post is going to be all about me. I hate talking about myself so bare with me.

I’m Liz.

I am currently a senior at the University of Wisconsin-River Falls studying marketing communications and communications. If people here at River Falls don’t know my name they know me by “that volleyball girl” or something in that realm.  This does not bug me one bit, honestly I love it. I am glad that everyone can see that I have such a huge passion for the sport of volleyball. And by huge passion I mean obsession.

I have played volleyball for 14 years now. I am currently the middle blocker for the UWRF-Women’s club team where I am also the co-president. I love the sport itself so much, but I also love the aspect of being on a team. This past weekend my team had a 5 hour car ride to our tournament and I believe that it made us become a lot tighter. I hate car rides with a passion, but I would change that 5 hour ride each way for anything.

10 facts about Liz:
1.) I love volleyball
2.) I am a twin
3.) I LOVE elephants
4.) I studied abroad in Scotland summer of 2013
5.) Pizza is currently my favorite food
6.) TEAL. Any shade of it.
7.) I have four jobs
8.) My idol/role model is Ellen DeGeneres
9.) I have no idea what I want to do with my life
10.) I am a seeker

You might be wondering what my blog title is about. Well, I love learning and finding new things. As I go through life I am always seeking whether it be to find an answer, something new, or some place to travel to. Follow my blog to come with me on my journey to seek out this world.