On Friday at lunch my best friend and I were sitting in the cafeteria reminiscing about Homecoming weekends in the years past. We talked about how two years ago, our sophomore year, she came to visit me at school on homecoming since she took the year off. We laughed at all the memories about how “young and stupid” we were. Then we both realized that we do not have full memories of our first couple years at college. Our memories are fading. Fading away in the bliss of the night.
Its weird because I can remember most things, but some memories I see in grey. They are not fully there nor are they completely gone; they’re fading. There are so many crazy, fun, wild, embarrassing, happy, sad, pleasant memories that I have from my college career that I do not want to loose. But for some reason my brain is pushing these memories away. Why? Am I fooling myself thinking I have all these great memories? When in reality, the times I have had here have not been as great as my brain makes them out to be. Are my memories faded because my brain is so powerful it pushes out the bad and only allows me to remember the good. Is that why I do not have many memories or the past couple years?
Now I am sitting at the library on a Tuesday trying to study, yet I cant because I keep trying to remember my first three years of college. Trying to remember these faded memories. These memories that I thought were happy ones, but the more I think about it, the more I start to believe that my brain fooled me into thinking my time here has been a great one. I am not saying that its horrible here. I do love it, but at the same time I can’t help but feel different. I feel as though I don’t belong. I feel that my time in this college town is winding down. I need to venture off to some place new. To a place where I can be 100% me and people love me for who I am, a place where I am truly 100% happy, a place that I can call home. Unfortunately, that is not here. Pretty soon this place will be a faded memory and I will hopefully be off doing some great things for the world.
I love RF it has a special place in my heart. It just isn’t the place I should stay if I want to be happy. I just need to accept that. Or maybe I’ll find happiness here; it could be hiding from me. The future is ambiguous.
Seeking faded memories.